Dear Diary,

I am most curious about what goes on inside the minds of men when it comes to sex. I am married. I am happily married and I sport that big ol’ shiny diamond ring from Tiffany’s like a trophy being carried by a JonBenet lookalike in one of those creepy child’s pageants.Yet, I do not have any problems attracting men to me even with that big ol’ ring blinding their eyesight. What’s more is that most of them are combating that light with their own wedding ring, making it safe for them to approach.

Or so they think…

One thing I find strange is a married man who honestly believes that since we are both married, us sleeping together somehow cancels out the fact that we are having an affair. I don’t have to explain how incorrect this thinking is and I absolutely refuse to go along with that stupid, stupid ass plan. I also fail to understand why he would assume I am unhappy in my marriage just because he is. Just because he is unhappy and open to an affair, why automatically assume that I am also having marital issues and looking for an outside partner? If my husband and I were having issues, an affair would not fix anything. As a matter of fact, it will add to the problems we are already having. Hell, this kind of thinking is exactly why you are having problems to begin with and now you want to extend your unhappy dark cloud over my home of peace and love. Misery loves company and it apparently wants to have an orgasm while there. No thanks. I won’t be attending any pity orgy-sex parties so save that pretty little invite for someone else.

The next issue I have is with all the men who’s game plan to attract me is to offer sex.

???

Hello? I have inhouse dick, you idiot. Why do I need yours, again? My husband and I are in love with each other. We have a wonderful relationship and I love making love to him. He is divine in bed and I am always ever so pleased. We even make love every single day. Every single day and we’ve been together for 7 years, three children. So extra sex with someone I’m not in love with is of NO interest to me. I’m curious as to why it never occurred to them to try attracting me by other means? Why has no other approach ever been considered? It’s always the same two things: money and sex and the broke ones have no money so all they bother to come up with is what they claim to be good sex. I happen not to need either, so what else you got? What about great conversation or introducing me to new cultures or great reads? Not that it would work either because my husband and I will stay up all night laughing and talking, he served in the Navy and has lived and traveled all over the world and I am an avid reader so we introduce each other to great reads. I guess you’ve got nothing. You should probably just walk away.

And for the final curious and curiouser. Why do men assume that when it gets hard, you’re automatically wet? He hasn’t done anything at all to turn you on. I suppose just knowing he is hard was supposed to double as foreplay. Try not to be stupid. Your thoughts are on sex but her thoughts are on the kids that ran her ragged the entire day. Your mind is on sex but her mind is on the boss that totally overlooked how hard she’s been working. You want sex but she wants love, affection and actual attention. You want to moan and groan, she wants to hear loving kind words that make her feel beautiful and desirable. That’s when she will get wet. Your hard dick doesn’t do it unless she is a sex feign with major erotic issues that call for extreme therapy sessions. In that case, it still isn’t you, buddy because a chick like that will screw pretty much anybody. You probably aren’t her only boyfriend. Sorry to break it to ya.

Well, maybe I will get the answers to why some men think this way and maybe I will never get the answer… or at least an answer I can really believe but I will settle for talking to you dear diary. I feel better no matter what the outcome because none of these problems pertain to me. I am deeply in love with a man who sees me. Really sees me. And that’s something I’ve always prayed for. He is my soulmate and I have no reason to cheat and never will. Let the other girls figure out the answer to all those questions. I’m already spoken for and the answers I have are all the answers I need!

Love,

A girl in love… who has great sex everyday