The rumor mill that is churning this one out isn’t new by any measure. It’s actually been a notable threat for some time now. With each passing article I come across, the story gets more and more detailed and frankly, a little weird. I’m here to tie all the different stories together in one sweet little juicy gossiping column.

So what happened? Who knows? The story goes something like Ashton was caught celebrating six years of marriage on September 24th not with his wife (to be expected), but with two randoms he partied with at a nightclub (totally unexpected). They apparently took the fun back to his hotel where they tongued it out cliché fashion in a hot tub. (Wonder if they time traveled?) The story gets a bit more outrageous when we learn there may be a lovechild by one of Ashton’s randoms. Assuming that any of this is true, Ashton dumped his little sideline delight after finding out that a bundle is on its way. All of this is supposed to have Demi in such dire straits that she’s down to something like 95lbs. She was only 105 to begin with, so that isn’t saying very much by way of mental state. They say Demi doesn’t want a divorce; they are going to go through counseling because she isn’t giving up on her marriage, even with the knowledge of Ashton’s late night hot tub trisk with not one chick, but two!

Demi did post, “When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger. -Epictetus,” from her “mrskutcher” Twitter account a day before their anniversary.  While I understand what it means, I have no idea why it was posted and dare not speculate. (Not right now, anyway) I will say that it only adds to the strangeness of which I find this entire story. Am I the only person who finds this stuff extremely odd? And I’m not sure I believe any of it. I’m reporting it anyway because it’s just good gossip, though.

Okay, so how many more spins are left on this baby? Well, The Dirty actually broke the story September 26th. The report was so bazaar but so juicy that I just had to press repeat. Some girl claiming to be the “friend” (how much longer?) of the chick Ashton banged, gave absolute confirmation to Nik that the story is true. The chick’s name is Sara Leal. They took it back to Hard Rock Hotel. They hit it up at approximately 4 a.m. (Damn those great details!) She also threw in that Ashton’s bodyguard took Sara Leal’s phone before going into the room. Wooo-wee! Now Sara Leal wants a whopping $250,000 for the story. I don’t know… something about it has a ring of truth around it but we shall see.

Ultimately, I had high hopes for them. I really wanted to see them stay together just like I hope the same for Mariah and Nick, but in reality Demi needs a mature man of her caliber. Bottom Line: She needs to find a man her own age. It’s okay to fool around with a young dude. Nothing wrong with a tender. I myself have had the yummy taste of a tender in my mouth, but I didn’t marry the little chicken nugget. Men have to go through certain rites of passages and in order to do that, they must remain free until true maturity sets in. I can’t knock a man’s freedom; I can knock acting free while being married, however. Okay, so there are TWO bottom lines: Demi needs to find a man her own age and Ashton should have walked away the moment he felt temptation winning. No matter your age, it’s never okay to break the heart of someone you claim to love.